An open letter to KFC.
Good Evening;
As per your Facebook request, I'll briefly describe my experience today.
As a non-regular KFC customer (It's been 5 years), I was in a bit of a pinch today. I stopped by your drive thru at the location posted above and ordered a $9.99 Big Dipper Big Box meal with spicy chicken, gravy, and a large soda. I was lead to believe that I would enjoy 3 strips of chicken (spicy), some popcorn chicken, and some fries. This would have been delightful and filled my jowls with tastiness. However, what I received was 5 pieces of popcorn chicken strewn about the box with a handful of fries thrown in for good measure (not in the bag, but in shambles throughout the box), a side of gravy, three spicy buffalo dipping sauces and a large soda. No chicken strips, no love, no affection. I paid $10 hard earned dollars and in exchange I was given a cardboard box of shattered dreams. It was like opening a box full of a high school breakup. It was as if I was expecting to be given the crown as prom queen to my prom king, the Colonel. Alas, when my name was called, I was drunk and laying on the bathroom floor with mascara running all over my pretty dress.
Words cannot fully express how excited I was to dive into a calorie filled feast of blissful remorse. But, when I opened the box, it was like the Colonel himself forbade me from taking on the big box challenge and then called me fat and laughed in my face. Utterly distraught, I ran to my laptop and did what only a sensible man would do in the age of Facebook. I pissed and moaned on your Facebook page for the everyone to see. I aired our dirty laundry to the world and I regret it even now, only a few hours later. I hope one day you'll forgive my brash callousness and catty haste but as you know, hunger can do strange things to a man. I call it being Hangry not in attempt to make you laugh, but as I do hope one day it will become a diagnosable medical concern. Forgive me. I did it for science.
As for reconciliation, I don't really know what there is to be done, however, I do appreciate your timely response on Facebook and I hope you enjoy my true, yet elaborate, version of the of events in question. I figure you guys just get shit on all the time with hate mail, so I might as well give you something somewhat enjoyable and different to read.
Hope your day/night is as deliciously wonderful as your chicken assumed to be (I didn't really get a chance to find out today).
Yours in chicken,
-Chris
As per your Facebook request, I'll briefly describe my experience today.
As a non-regular KFC customer (It's been 5 years), I was in a bit of a pinch today. I stopped by your drive thru at the location posted above and ordered a $9.99 Big Dipper Big Box meal with spicy chicken, gravy, and a large soda. I was lead to believe that I would enjoy 3 strips of chicken (spicy), some popcorn chicken, and some fries. This would have been delightful and filled my jowls with tastiness. However, what I received was 5 pieces of popcorn chicken strewn about the box with a handful of fries thrown in for good measure (not in the bag, but in shambles throughout the box), a side of gravy, three spicy buffalo dipping sauces and a large soda. No chicken strips, no love, no affection. I paid $10 hard earned dollars and in exchange I was given a cardboard box of shattered dreams. It was like opening a box full of a high school breakup. It was as if I was expecting to be given the crown as prom queen to my prom king, the Colonel. Alas, when my name was called, I was drunk and laying on the bathroom floor with mascara running all over my pretty dress.
Words cannot fully express how excited I was to dive into a calorie filled feast of blissful remorse. But, when I opened the box, it was like the Colonel himself forbade me from taking on the big box challenge and then called me fat and laughed in my face. Utterly distraught, I ran to my laptop and did what only a sensible man would do in the age of Facebook. I pissed and moaned on your Facebook page for the everyone to see. I aired our dirty laundry to the world and I regret it even now, only a few hours later. I hope one day you'll forgive my brash callousness and catty haste but as you know, hunger can do strange things to a man. I call it being Hangry not in attempt to make you laugh, but as I do hope one day it will become a diagnosable medical concern. Forgive me. I did it for science.
As for reconciliation, I don't really know what there is to be done, however, I do appreciate your timely response on Facebook and I hope you enjoy my true, yet elaborate, version of the of events in question. I figure you guys just get shit on all the time with hate mail, so I might as well give you something somewhat enjoyable and different to read.
Hope your day/night is as deliciously wonderful as your chicken assumed to be (I didn't really get a chance to find out today).
Yours in chicken,
-Chris
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